I woke up tired this morning. Most mornings I do. My 3 month old isn’t sleeping through the night and as of late he’s been teething so he’s been up more. My daughter gets up at 6:30am no matter what time she goes to bed. So here we are again. Breakfast. Breastfeed. Cup of Tea (a MUST in my house). After the kids were settled and my son was back asleep I got on the computer to continue with a number of errands. My husbands wallet was recently stolen and someone hacked into our credit and bank accounts. So now we’re having to change and update everything as a result. It came at a difficult time. We were already stretched financially but had begun making some incredible choices to get out of debt and give it all to God. But as my 4yr old says “No Matter.” I still know that God is in control and I am enjoying life right now…there are so many possibilities ahead.
Right. What to do today? Played games with daughter, got snack ready, got myself ready, taught my daughter some words. We planned a trip to the park, packed lunches and off we went. Edmund was crying a lot. His poor gums hurt. By the time we got back, I needed a LARGE cup of tea. I was so tired and my body was starting to ache. Perhaps today will be a rest day and tomorrow I will jog…No. If I do that I may lose momentum. Okay think about this. I’ll take each hour as it comes and decide later.
The tea perked me up and so did a nice quiet time watching a movie with Amelie. I would run tonight.
My husband got home late from work and by that time we had dinner but I still had to bathe my son and my husband had to have dinner and my daughter had to play outside. I couldn’t go out yet. The clouds were starting to darken. Both kids were finally in bed and I made a dash for it.
Muse again. I started with a 5 minute brisk walk that turned into a jog. 10 minutes in…arrrrhh I want to take a break. I touched my nose quickly. Touched it again. Pressed harder… touched my lips. They’re all there. Keep going. It got easier. I then got into a fairly comfortable jog. I reached the end of that street and started to walk again. It’s okay if I jog then walk, jog then walk. My friend called me before I headed out. She is a personal trainer and suggested both yoga and jogging.. (well not at the same time. Both complement each other. That’s a good idea. She also recommended that I jog and walk, taking it in turns. That made me feel better as I struggled to keep running.
I was doing this. I pressed on and saw a Stop sign that was my goal point to run towards… argh..keep going…arghh..almost there…argggghhhh…blah…I did it! I felt such a surge of joy and achievement. Yes! I reached my arm up towards the sky. The rain falling on my fingertips as it reached higher towards God. I was praising him…on a main road…people at the bus stop watching. I didn’t care. I smiled. Freedom.
I turned around and walked. It then turned into a jog again. This is day two..yeah.
At thiat point my mood suddenly shifted. I started to feel sad. A little emotional. I know that when you exercise often emotions can be released and as a mother there just isn’t time to release those emotions. So here it was. Running in the rain. I thought about the African Women. I was feeling pain from the jog but then I thought about the pain they were feeling as their faces were being mutilated. No anesthetic. What must they have been thinking? And here I am trying to simply jog. I think the emotions and the sheer difficulty of stretching my capacity to exercise was encompassing my whole being. I kept going.
As a few minutes passed I started burping. Yes I just said that. Burping! A lot. Oh there comes my dinner. And a stitch (cramp for the Canadians) in my side shortly followed. I could barely walk let alone run. (Note to self: Run before dinner not after). I walked very slowly and changed my soundtrack. I put on some easy jazz. This was good. Reflective. It made me think about my personal dreams and how doing this meant so much also to me and my career. If I could complete this, I could do anything. I could build my career, my company, my…shoot! What’s going on with my ipod? It’s crackling up. Did water get in it? Oh no! I feel like crying. I changed the album. Madeleine Peyroux. Same thing. Adjusted the headphones. That worked. Continued listening to Madeleine and continued walking. My uplifted mood was gone again. Boy these workout emotions are all over the place. I continued walking home, half a block away and I was feeling defeated when I began to hear.. “Smile..though your heart is aching..” a new song. This was what I needed.
“Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining though
Light up your face with Gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear
Maybe ever so near (and it was)
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use in cryin’
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
When you just smile”
I got home. Closed the door behind me and smiled. Tomorrow is day 3!
They make me smile