My eyes are beginning to glaze over. I’m tired but energized. I know the moment my head hits the pillow, I’ll sink into my mattress and wish I had laid there sooner.
It’s been a busy day. Many of them are. Today, however feels like life is really about to start. I feel as though I’m sitting in a ferarri. I’m excited, exhillarated. The engine is revving and I’m about to put my foot on the gas and floor it! Scared, excited, a little crazy perhaps. This Saturday I start my online Masters in Film. As a single Mum to a 3yr old gentle but active son and an energized 7yr old going on 15, life is already full. It’s been a year and a half since my ex husband and I separated and in that year I have moved 5 times, gone to court, dealt with numerous phone calls, emotional issues, health concerns and counseling. It’s also been a year of self discovery, rebellion, exploration and freedom. We’ve been building a new life and getting a new vision for the future. Well..in reality it’s the vision I’ve always had since I was little but now it’s getting back on track.
Being able to get my Masters in Film is a dream come true for me at this point. I didn’t think it would be possible and here I am continuing this dream. I’ve been wanting to move forward for some time now but had the chains of a controlling and vengeful ex trying to pull me down. Each time I think I’ve been released from it, something happens that makes me have to work that much harder for the life I want for my kids and I .
This morning I plowed through my to-do list, scratching out my scribblings and feeling on top of it all. I had started the day with a meeting with a friend who is employing me to do some administration work for her business. It’s exciting to get a part time job I can do from home and use my skills as a writer. I was thrilled when she proposed the idea to me but also scared at the idea of taking on more work. I feel like I barely have any hours in the day and once I get my kids to bed and the cleaning done, I’m shattered. Now life will consist of earlier starts and late nights writing to study and earn some money.
As I was feeling empowered this morning, I began to tackle some financial matters. You see, divorce really can be very messy, particularly when one party is out to take revenge on the other. My ex decided to file for a consumer proposal this year, thus dumping a substantial, shocking, frightening amount of debt solely onto me. I live a pretty humble life as it is and with creditors calling…no… hounding and harassing me every day it’s a challenge, at the very least. One of the creditors put a lean on just my half of the house I co-own (but do not live in) with my ex. My ex in-laws put a lean on my house too and tried to sue me for a lot of money. More creditors are taking me to court over money owed and I have nothing I can give them. As I try to move forward to building a future career to provide for my children I am faced with only one option, bankruptcy.
When life gives you lemons or shitheads give you shit… you either take it and let them win or you simply rise above it. I’ve been beaten down over the years, many years in fact and while today was filled with this horrible, complicated mess I sit here having had a rather successful day.
My children and I had a great time playing together, reading in funny accents and giggling lots. They played with their friends, I cleaned and kept things clean (big achievement in our home), I spoke with my friends, completed my to-do list, ate 3 meals (huge feat), completed my first hour of work for my new employer and began prepping ideas for my Masters and thinking of options for my Research Question.
This year is going to be hard. I am going to be very, very tired but I have a feeling it’s going to be one of the greatest years of my life.
Follow this space to see how on earth I manage to get through it and just how crazy I’ll get in the process 🙂
It’s 12:18 am and I’m off to make school lunch for my daughter then head to bed for my 6:30am wake up call.